Oh Those Irishmen!

---

---

The Irish Millionaire Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?" "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!" "Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow b) Thrush, c) Magpie, d) Cuckoo?" "I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''So I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ." Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo." "Are you sure?" "I'm fookin sure." Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer." "Is that your final answer?" asked Chris. "Dat it is." There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!" The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. "Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" "Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"

We Are Not Amused - The White House

While the President was on one of his many vacations, the GOP funny men decorated the east lawn.

The Secret Service is investigating.

Life In Kansas

Phone Repair Order: Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008 A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called. 4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. Thought you'd like to know.

New Stealth Coating Applied To Air Force One

Air Force General: Mr. President, we've just invented an stealth invisibility coating for Air Force One. Obama: No s***? General: That's right, sir. Will you be going along on its maiden flight? Obama: Wouldn't miss it for the world. General: Have a good trip, sir.

“Honesty is not something you should flirt with-You should be married to it.”

Be funny if you can. If you can't, go away.

I'm In Love!

My new neighbor is so hot! A beer and a chat & who knows where it will take us!!

Summer Wear For The Active Muslim Virgin

The House of Daraj Ibn Abi Hatim proudly presents the 2010 summer wear collection for the active, yet modest Muslim virgin hoping to stand out in a crowd of 71 other virgins. Guaranteed to attract an interested jihadist.

"In Paradise there is a pavilion made of a single hollow pearl sixty miles wide, in each corner of which there are wives who will not see those in the other corners; and the believers will visit and enjoy them."

Party on!!

God, My Ears Are Cold!

There Is A Crack In Our Relationship

I was going to order the sushi. But...

Uncle Dean Finally Got His Rocks Off

That Viagra stuff really does work!!

Cleanliness Is Next To ?

They say cleanliness is next to Godliness. Well, I looked it up and cleanliness is actually next to clitoris.

Yum!

Last Delivery Of The Day

Hitler Rides Again

Words Of Wisdom From Jeff Foxworthy

Some interesting observations on the Taliban by that great American

philosopher, Jeff Foxworthy.

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't
afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your
clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting
off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least
four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

11. Your cousin is President of the United States.



Jeff Foxworthy---

Boys Will Be Boys

The Bartender Says....

Sing Along With The Government

This Too Shall Pass

After 55 Years

After 55 years of marriage, you never yell or argue when I get bitchy. How do you stay so calm? He asked.

I just go clean the toilet, she answered...

With your toothbrush.

The Moment Before The Pain Begins

Find more photos like this on The Activity Pit