Ah, The Good Old Days...

00000000000000000000000000

Suicide Bombers Explained

It's all coming together ... why they get suicidal.


Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide.

Let's see now...

No Jesus = No Christmas, No television, No cheerleaders, No Nude Women, No car races, No football, No soccer, No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No chocolate chip cookies, No lobster, No nachos, No Beer nuts, No alcohol period,

No Beer !!!!!!!!?????

Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower. On your knees facing east most of the day. More than one wife. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

Happy Birthday Monica

Birthday Reminder!!

A bit of history. Our "little" girl is growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week we celebrate a special birthday.

Monica Lewinsky turns 44.

Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

Help For The Cattle Guards

Joe asks for 6 months of retraining for 'Cattle Guards'! CATTLE GUARDS, THIS IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS THEM WANTING TO CHANGE THE LAW OF PHYSICS! You will love this one, I haven't stop laughing yet. For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . The Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the “cattle” guards immediately! Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden, intervened with a request that...before any “cattle” guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining for Arizona border guards. 'Times are hard', said Joe Biden, 'it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families!' And these two guys are running our country, OMG!

The Elephant Story

THIS IS JUST AN INCREDIBLE STORY !!!!

 

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in  Kenya after graduating from Northwestern  University ...

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

 

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

 

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

 

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,

 

after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

 

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

 

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

 

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away

 

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

 

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the  Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

 

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and

 

walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing

 

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

 

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

 

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

 

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

 

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

 

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs

 

 

 

 

and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

 

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

 

This is for everyone who sends those heart-warming bullshit stories.     : )