Apple does it again Apple Computer announced today that it has developeda computer chip that can store and play high fidelitymusic in women's breast implants.
The iTitwill cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough becausewomen have always complained about men staringat their tits and not listening to them.
Actual letter from an Iowa resident as sent to his US Senator
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510
Dear Senator Harkin ,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service , I am writing to ask for your assistance.
I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you..
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.
If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums .. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
(hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )
The CIA announced today it has begun a cottage business of selling exploding prayer rugs to Taliban insurgents when they enter Afganistan. They report sales are brisk and "prophets" are through the roof.