Friday, August 20, 2010

Pray Every Day

*A Woman's Poem*

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

*A Man's Poem*

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big tits who owns a bar on a golf course, and a boat
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Life In Kansas

Phone Repair Order:

Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain
and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by
pissing and moaning.

Thought you'd like to know.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Congress Celebrates Summer Recess

The Congress began summer recess last week with a picnic on the grounds of the capitol. Here, Congressman Willy Wanker, D - NC samples some of the home brew provided by Congressman Barney Frank, D - MA.

Known around Washington as "Barney Beer", the flavor leaves something to be desired but the head is unforgettable.
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Thursday, August 5, 2010

New Stealth Coating Applied To Air Force One

Air Force General: Mr. President, we've just invented an stealth invisibility coating for Air Force One.

Obama: No s***?

General: That's right, sir. Will you be going along on its maiden flight?

Obama: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

General: Have a good trip, sir.

“Honesty is not something you should flirt with-You should be married to it.”

Be funny if you can. If you can't, go away.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Exclusive photos from Rep. Barney Frank's Capitol office bathroom....





           Barney Will!!!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Hillary Clinton As The Perfect Mother

With Chelsea's wedding behind her and a honeymoon ahead,
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.
She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad!"